Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
