Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
