I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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