They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
