Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
