Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
