so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
