Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
