college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
