We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
