Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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