Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
