then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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