That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
