and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
