He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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