I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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