she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
