woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
