Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
