I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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