She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
