Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
