Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
