So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
