Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
