I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
