yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
