I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
