I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
