What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
