then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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