At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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