when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
