I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You peed on a flamingo?!?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
