So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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