awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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