took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
