nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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