I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
