sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
