She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
