Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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