i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
