you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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