you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
