The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
