Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
