Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
