guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
